This appeared in print in its original form in October 1994.
Added to Web Site 09.16.05 [Not much has changed, except, now we have low-carb ice-cream.]

I was looking for some ice-cream sandwiches the other day. I thought I vaguely remembered an ad for ones made by the Dove people. The very people responsible for Dove bars - a very good thing. I couldn't find any Dove brand sandwiches and opted for Klondike sandwiches, which are doing quite well, thank you very much.

Now, while none of this is remotely remarkable, what I observed in the ice-cream section of the market gave me reason to pause. Not only did I have to search and search, only to select an alternative ice-cream novelty, I had to carefully read packaging material too. That's right, fogged-up doors and all -- my hands frozen numb, I had to make sure the ice-cream I was trying to buy was actually ice-cream! This is an outrage.

Left and right, up and down and behind other packages was a litany of ice-cream-like or perhaps ice-cream-type products. I'm talking about boxes of frozen "ice-cream" bon-bons that read: LITE! Gigantic vats of Rocky Road emblazoned with the words: FAT FREE! And just try to find an authentic ice-cream product that really has cream in it. It was nearly impossible. I had to face the real threat of frost bite and hypothermia just to locate a single box of normal ice-cream sandwiches. Is that too much to ask, I ask?

Now, I can understand if someone is trying to cut fat or lose weight, or is trying to reduce cholesterol. I have some advice: DON'T EAT ICE-CREAM! Not radical, certainly, but apparently too difficult as food companies have readily pandered to those seeking to reduce caloric intake. You might wonder why this bothers me. It's simple. I'm not on a diet, my cholesterol levels are wonderful, and frankly, I could use a few pounds. The fact that I have to burn up even more calories in my quest for a simple all American fat-filled ice-cream treat really burns me.

I'm no expert, but if some consumers are trying to lose weight or lower their cholesterol, I think they would be far better served by strategically placed bags of frozen carrots, spinach, and broccoli in and amongst the ice-cream rather than the ridiculous assortment of FAKE manufactured imitation ice-cream-type food substances. Mmmm! I can't wait till I get my hands on some.

© 1994 Amy Zidell

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